It was a Dark and Stormy Night
by LtPamKim
Summary: ONESHOT. The team makes a shocking discovery. Do not read this if you have no sense of humor!


_Disclaimer_: This is all in fun, it was just something that had to be said.

**It was a Dark and Stormy Night, by Lt. Pam Kim and The Other Lt. Pam Kim**

It had been a long, ugly case. Two Seamen had been found in their bunks, dead of unknown causes. The two were best friends, fresh out of high school. After a long, complicated investigation, the team found that the two young men had been poisoned by a disgruntled drug dealer when they refused to distribute drugs on their ship for him.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs was finishing up his report on the case. It was late in the evening and the team was still in the squad room. Abby had wandered up from the lab, she now sat twirling around in a chair in the middle of the room. Bored with that, she tried to start a conversation.

"Have you ever googled yourself?" she asked Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo.

"That's kind of personal, don't you think?" replied Tony, his eyebrows rising practically into his hairline.

"Ha, ha," retorted Abby. "Really, have you ever checked to see if you're mentioned anywhere on the internet?"

"Why would I be mentioned on the internet?" he asked, confused.

"Someone could be talking about you in their blog," McGee said.

"Blog?" Ziva looked just as confused as Tony.

"Web log," replied Abby, "it's like an online diary."

Tony looked intrigued, "Really? You mean someone could be talking about me? Like 'Dear Diary, Today I met the handsomest man.'"

Gibbs snorted at that.

"You wish," said Ziva, watching in amusement as Tony pulled up the search engine and typed in his name. He scrolled down the listing, occasionally clicking on a link. Suddenly he sat up straight, his eyes wide in surprise.

"What?" Abby stopped twirling and rolled her chair over to Tony's desk. Peering at his screen she said, "Whoa."

"What is it?" Ziva and McGee came over and started reading McGee's face turned bright red. Ziva covered her mouth to suppress the laughter threatening to erupt. Tony continued to look shocked, his mouth slightly agape.

Gibbs tried to ignore the four younger people, but couldn't contain his curiosity when Ziva started laughing so hard she was snorting.

"Don't you have something better to do?" he asked gruffly.

"We finished our reports, Gibbs," Ziva managed to say between near-hysterical giggles.

"You've got to see this, Gibbs," Abby said.

"NO," Tony's face was just as red as McGee's. "I mean, I don't think you'd be interested, Boss."

"Let me be the judge," replied Gibbs, walking over to the younger agent's desk. He stood behind the young man and began reading the screen.

"What the hell is this?"

"It's called fanfiction," explained Abby, "Specifically slash fanfiction."

McGee continued the explanation, "Those are stories written about television shows by fans. They write them to fill in gaps, or to give a character backstory, or to fix something they don't like that happened on the show."

"Slash is a genre of fanfiction pairing two male characters together in a romantic relationship," Abby was really getting into the explanation, now, bouncing up and down in her chair excitedly. "They call it slash because the first story of this kind was about Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, so it was a Kirk slash Spock story," she made a wild slash in the air to illustrate her point.

"From Star Trek?" Tony asked incredulously. "How can a Vulcan have a romantic relationship?"

"Actually Tony," McGee said, grateful the subject had switched from the story on Tony's computer, "Vulcans can be very romantic, and they go into a sort of heat..."

"But what the hell is _that_?" interrupted Gibbs, pointing at Tony's monitor.

"Well, uh," McGee stammered, "it appears to be a story..."

"..about you and Tony!" Abby finished, grinning at the senior agent.

Ziva had continued reading while Abby and McGee explained the phenomenon that was fanfiction to Gibbs. "It would appear, Gibbs," she said, barely suppressing a guffaw, "That you and Tony are soulmates."

"Where do they get that?" Gibbs asked, amazed.

"There's all kinds of 'evidence' that the two of you are deeply in love," replied Ziva, waving toward the screen. She had pushed Tony aside and was scrolling through other stories, scanning them quickly.

Gibbs had his arms folded across his chest, his eyes narrowed dangerously, "What evidence?" he asked, coldly.

"You seem to touch Tony more than anyone else on the team, other than Abby; you let him get away with all his juvenile behavior; he practically stands on his head to get you to notice him and he's in seventh heaven when you give him anything resembling praise," Ziva listed a few of the reasons.

"When does he touch me?" Tony's confusion was growing.

"He smacks you all the time," replied McGee.

"He smacks Ziva too, and he's hit you," protested Tony.

"Only recently," McGee argued, "and not as much."

"And you do puff up when you do something good and he notices," Abby pointed out.

"But..."

"Oh my god," exclaimed Ziva, "this story's got a sex scene!"

"WHAT?" Tony wheeled his chair over to his desk quickly, bumping Ziva off to the side. "I would never do that!" he said, horrified, "Ew!"

Ziva continued reading over Tony's shoulder. "No mistaking who's top in this relationship. Even Gibbs tongue is dominating, 'demanding entrance to Tony's mouth.'"

"That seems to be a popular phrase in slash stories," Abby said, shrugging, "body parts develop minds of their own."

"Are your eyes really 'cerulean blue' Boss?" asked Tony, looking up from the screen and looking Gibbs in the eye.

Abby giggled and nudged Ziva. "Look," she said, sotto voce. "Green eyes meeting blue." Ziva nearly fell on the floor laughing.

McGee continued to read, occasionally muffling a sound of shock or surprise. He turned to look at Tony, who was watching the screen in a way that was reminiscent of someone passing by a bad auto accident. He didn't really want to read any more, but couldn't quite bring himself to look away. He glanced back at McGee.

"What ARE you looking at, Probie?" Tony demanded.

"I don't think your eyelashes are 'impossibly long'," McGee said. He looked at Abby and Ziva. "What do you think?"

"They don't seem to be worried as much about the length of Tony's eyelashes as they do about … other parts of the anatomy," Gibbs said, dryly.

It was late; no one was in the squad room. It was getting uncomfortable for them, all trying to read from the same small monitor. Gibbs sighed.

"Bring it up on the plasma, DiNozzo."

They all stood and read, silently, occasionally chuckling or emitting shocked gasps.

"Is that even physically POSSIBLE?" asked McGee, at the end of one particularly graphic paragraph.

"No," said Tony, at the exact time that Ziva said, "Yes." They looked at each other for a moment, before turning away and going back to the screen.

"Oh for God's sake, Boss, give it a rest," Tony said, under his breath, as there was yet another paragraph of Gibbs' inner turmoil about being gay or straight or bi, and also being a Marine. "What a drama … OW!"

"Finish that sentence with the word 'queen' and you will be flat on your back for a week, and not in a good way," Gibbs growled.

Tony raised his hands in mock surrender.

"My God, Gibbs, you sound like a love-struck teenager!" Abby giggled, pointing to one particularly sappy passage. "You're absolutely _swooning_!"

"Aw … Boss … I didn't think you even cared!" Tony said with a grin, deftly ducking from another headsmack.

Just at that moment, Ducky walked in. Seeing the text up on the screen, and the team totally engrossed in what was obviously prose, Ducky stepped up to begin reading. The team slowly realized that the elder doctor had joined them, and one by one, they turned to look first at each other, and then at Ducky's face.

Ducky chuckled as he read a passage that had something to do with "marking" and Tony's need to wear turtlenecks for the next few days, and then let out a single blast of laughter.

"I wish these authors would take the time to pick up an anatomy textbook," he said, shaking his head. "No one will ever reach a prostate from THAT angle!"

There was total silence as the rest of the team looked at Ducky, with shocked (and, truth be told, amused) expressions.

"Um … Duck?" Gibbs ventured. "You've seen this kind of thing before?"

"Oh, my dear Jethro, of course I have," the doctor replied.

He walked over to Tony's computer and punched in a website. A selection of stories came up on the plasma.

"These, my friend, are all about US."

Ducky turned and walked out of the squad room to head home for the evening, as the rest of the team looked at the pages of Ducky / Gibbs stories.

Tony slowly walked over to his desk, turned off his computer, and picked up his bag. Following quickly and quietly, the rest of the team filed out, with Gibbs the last to board the elevator. They stood quietly for a second, waiting for the doors to close. Abby broke the silence.

"You know, Ziva … they have FEMslash too!" she bubbled.

Gibbs, McGee and Tony all traded glances. The last thing anyone heard as the elevator doors closed and it began its descent was Ziva's voice, loud and menacing.

"Don't. Even. Think. About it."


End file.
